yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
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