i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
Randomize
