She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
Randomize
