Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
Randomize
