12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
Randomize
