my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
Randomize
