In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
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