I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
I need to align my fucking chakras
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
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