im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize
