I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
there is puke in my bra ... again
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
