I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
