I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
I party with great urgency now.
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