I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
it's like iHOP with fire
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
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