she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
Randomize
