You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
Randomize
