The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
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