we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
they're like a gay fantastic four
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
I'm experimenting with sincerity
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
Randomize