If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Randomize
