That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
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