This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
