So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
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