hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
I smell stomach acid.
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
how does that bad decision feel?
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
