living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
Randomize
