It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
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