you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize
