Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
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