4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
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