he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
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