weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
Randomize
