I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
Randomize
