i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
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