i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
Randomize
