Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
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