just come out here and I will go home with you...
please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
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