so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
He literally asked permission to hit on me
Randomize