yeah, we don't understand. the wings losing for guys is like girls finding objects in their body..just weird and sad
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
Randomize