i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
time to smoke my breakfast
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
Randomize
