textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
Randomize
