If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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