I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
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