ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
Randomize
