If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
Randomize
