If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
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