i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
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