There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
Randomize
