So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
Randomize
