But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
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