He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
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