I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
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