2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
The beer is more important than you right now.
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
Randomize
