I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Randomize
