Ask Niel how long his lasts if he plays with it a lot.
he says 15-20 minutes depending on the porn.
no his phone, idiot.
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
Randomize
