1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
Randomize
