I hate your face
The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
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