Where did you get a picture of my penis
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
Randomize
