**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
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