somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
Randomize
