I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
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