OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
it was like his penis was on wheels.
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
Randomize
