Buhtt sex?
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
