I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
What did we do last night that was yellow?
Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
Randomize
