turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
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