He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
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