U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
Randomize